he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
