so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
