Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So apparently I’m into choking now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
