Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
