Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The power of my boobs compel you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
