At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
