Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
