I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
