My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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