i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
