I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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