There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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