So drunk its hurt
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
