I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
