I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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