so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
