remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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