We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
