hotel room ftw
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
