i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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