I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
