what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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