He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
