He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
