; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
