i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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