I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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