I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
