The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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