Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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