i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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