Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
