Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
