i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
