I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
