he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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