I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
