whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
