I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize