well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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