Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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