Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
