My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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