I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
