Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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