Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
