id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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