Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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