My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
