youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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