Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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