No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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