Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
