no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
