well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
