I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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