My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
