unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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