did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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