I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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