I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
