Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
